An opinion about The Life Narcotic

A maddening sickness lies at the heart of my condition. 

I'm poisoned by the nature of blindness.

I take no satisfaction in "Progress" or material gain. 

I'm too broken tired and justified to lust for money.

I will not work for rest.

I want to be overwhelmed by my misfortunes; to toil endlessly in the fields of my own excrement. 

It never happens. 

I'm too aware of the simple truth of it all… I earn it. 

Day by day, hour to hour, second to every second as I lazily play a part in a broken narrative that our fair author has no intention of finishing. 

Were this a film we'd not rent it again. 

I don't want to be impressed by your wit or charm or even conciseness.

You don't have to tolerate mine… that much is clear. 

I'm watching an Ant crawl on coco brown skin. 

He is not planing for the day he has done enough.

To actually be in love with your survival, what a thing.

A voice coming from the walls shouts hard and direct… something about fairness and how entirely possible it could be. Give up the bag, the hang, the ammunition, the loaded gun. Find a heart inside your mind and fall in love with stillness.

I want to see you at the ocean 

smile instead of saying words

drippy

sap

words.

What's my opinion?

The atom bomb is the word

the truth is caked in vomit

uncontrolled 

on the walls 

under your fingernails.

How do you know if something's truly bad? You smell it. 

It would be rotten to blame people.

To blame decisions. 

Who in their right mind would ever decide against cold beer and BBQ? 

The sun is hot and trying to tell us something.

Stand still in the sand and burn

Burn fast and bright as hell

Talk less

say more.

I am looking long and hard for the American Dream.

a common ground

I run to you when my heart is scared

I hide when my mind is cold

I miss the air when I can't breathe

I hate the way it feels on my skin

I am an open book

Far too graphic 

not enough pictures

I count the miles in a memory

I laugh at the thought of time

I long for salvation

I am at my worst unkind

I am an open book

Dog eared pages

hard on the spine

I fall bastardly in love with life

I hurt inside

I want and want and need to want

I stay inside

I am an open book

Sleeveless, untitled

resting on a shelf 

I am my mothers eyes

I am my fathers worried mind

I am a savage heart

I am all shapes of life and death

I am an open book

A smell that fills your belly

a sentence read again

a sentence read again.

The Maturation Process

Rapid eye movement

very little doubt

Heavy handed and obvious

total faith, heartfelt

unmoved 

I seek redemption in love

If only to ask the question

I expect an answer

Forever is the moment that walks away

visible only in dark quiet memories

the kind you have alone

the one's that keep things from getting done

I've seen this room

I've walked this floor

I've never been alone in debt to silence

What The Mirror Reflects (Page 1)

A thought rolls through my head as I sip the morning wine, 

nothing outstanding happens without incident. 

If she was there for the taking we could spend time ignoring the world. Days spent getting drunk, making art and fornicating shamelessly; as hedonistic as a Bohemians life could be. For now I live in the dream. Floating through each day as the view from the top of a staircase. I could tell you how I became this way but you wouldn't understand, no sane person living a life inclusive of expectation could. I suppose it would be best to start and the beginning, pass the middle and come to the end, but that would be expected… wouldn't it?

In purpose the mind is a gateway to life beyond death, capable of contemplating everything and nothing, the infinite universe contained inside a living being. Magic. Practical application leans towards self obsession and the nagging want disguised as need. I am no different in these matters. 

Lost in the thought of her smell I've missed my stop. Seven staircases will lead me upward to the ground, I feel the weight of her thick, beautiful hair with every step.I have turned her into the yearning, something pure, something not me.

I know that I will take her. I will kiss her short of breath and arch her back. She will fall into my arms and show me what her body needs. I will know beyond her smell, her taste, she will give me her fear and I will add it to my own. 

As I join the procession my thoughts travel inward. Why have I allowed myself to become this? I am a wretch, A still breath on the wind. Would the world at large ever remember the kindness in me as I twist the knife into an open wound? The faces around me seem content, no… resigned to the contradictions they support. I should feel liberated, I  don't, for after all the willingness I've shown to free my mind of the created concept of successful living I am still standing in line. 

Breath On The Wind

I have always felt a certain disconnect to the world around me. A nagging tug that wouldn't let me enjoy the moment for what it was, I can't out run it, can't erase it, I've just simply learned to just keep living. Just keep loving.Never being able to put my finger on what"it" was I came to the conclusion that "somethings missing". Two years ago I was informed that I should have had a brother, the details aren't important but the deed was done. Six years ago I should have had a son but the universe had other plans. It would be silly to say I wasn't aware that these moments affected me, I just didn't quite understand how much until this morning. The following are lyrics to a song that might be something, perhaps nothing at all. I just feel that it's important (especially in the face of the earths mighty ability to shake us off its back at a moments notice) that I share this honest moment of revelation.

Love in all things

danny axel  

letters to Gabriel 

I couldn't give you what you needed

guess the gods would not abide 

Can't find relief in this thought

It's hard to know you, only in my mind

You mother won't believe me

she doesn't want to feel me cry

it's getting harder to believe in love

the growing distance still divides

There's no  light

without your life

all this time just passing trains

there's no right

in my life 

until I dream and see your face

I always ask for forgiveness

I never let myself heal 

Judging by the look in her eye

she wishes none of this was real

Your father lays in sadness

He hopes to pass the time

praying for release in these words

from the shadows in the sky

There's no  light

without your life

all this time just passing trains

there's no right

in my life 

until I dream and see your face

I survive every night

I'm alive when she tries

I survive every night 

I survive 

when I turn out the light